Driving School From Hell
by Anubis-Shinigami
Summary: Seras decides to do a normal HUMAN thing by learning to drive. Fine. Integra's condition? Alucard comes along and it all goes downhill from there. Collisions, road rage, bloodlust, tickets and Alucard might even learn how to drive (or expertly crash).
1. Seras Gets Permission

**Author's Note:** Yeah, this came to me after I went to driving school. I now have my permit. grins evilly This story will be based on my experiences. :) This story was made up by ME and only ME. It is in no connection to a similar story called "Joyride" (one which I have, in fact, not read) or any others. Critiques are welcome. Please don't flame me. They hurt. -

**Disclaimer:** I only own the first DVD. I don't even have the whole series! The only thing you can sue me for are my useless school books. You can have 'em! . . .for a price.

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Chapter 1: Seras Gets Permission

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Pad, pad, pad CREAK

Pad, pad, pad CREAK

Pad, pad, pad CREAK

Integra sighed as she fumbled with a drawer before getting out one of her special brand of cigars and lighting it. Senior Officer Seras Victoria has been pacing outside of her office for the past fifteen minutes. Integra figured Seras couldn't make up her mind whether to come in or not.

"You may come IN, Senior Officer Seras Victoria," Integra said with a sigh. _This ought to be interesting. However_, Integra frowned, _Alucard's fledgling was becoming as much of nuisance as her master was._ Integra scowled. Just the thought of the attention-seeking vampire made her want to kill something.

_Oh no! How does she know I'm here?! I hope she's not mad . . .again._ Seras took a sharp intake of breath before cautiously turning the handle of Integra's large office and slowly and carefully coming in.

"Y-yes, Sir?"

"You've been pacing outside my door for the past fifteen minutes, Officer Victoria. Such annoying behavior is not allowed. If you _must_ consult me on something, then come into my office," Integra said with many hints of annoyance in her voice as she let some of the ashes of the cigar fall into the tray.

"Well you see . . . it's like this…" Seras stumbled for the words. Her speech barely audible from her distance.

"Come closer to my desk and for goodness' sakes spit it out! I do not have all day!" Integra exasperatedly gestured to her mountains of paper work . Seras made her way to Integra until she was only a meter away from Integra's desk.

_Oh what the bloody hell! I might as well ask it!_ Seras thought as her words came out faster than she wanted.

"Sir Integra, I request permission to attend a driving school!" Seras spat out.

Integra choked on her cigarette.

------

_Earlier that day. . ._

Seras was sitting on her coffin-like bed, while swinging her legs. She looked at her "view".

"I wonder what people like me do for fun," at this thought a blood-crazed Alucard came to mind. Seras scowled at the image. Suddenly she looked at a model of a double-decker red bus her father had given her.

"It's lucky that I was allowed to bring my stuff here at least!" Seras happily said aloud. Then the bus registered in her mind. "Maybe. . .just maybe I can ask Sir Integra if I can go to driving school! Then I can at LEAST learn to drive the big trucks I always travel in!" Seras thought excitedly.

_I mean SURE Dad TRIED to teach me to drive, but that didn't work out very well. I may have worked as a policewoman but . . .it was never necessary for me to know how to drive. _Besides, even if she did, her other team would say she was too timid to drive the trucks – hence "Kitten".Seras suddenly saddened. _But they're dead now, what use would it be for me to learn how to drive? _Seras sat in silence for a while.

"But maybe, I can help my current teammates!" Seras jumped off of her bed. "Yes, I think I shall do just that!" And shortly after that Seras found herself pacing back and forth in front of Integra's office, still pondering over her decision.

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"YOU WISH TO WHAT?!" Sir Integra jumped out of her seat and banged both of her hands on her desk, after she coughed out her cigarette of course.

"Well, I-I wanted to learn how t-to drive, Sir. To assist my teammates a-and . . ." Seras stammered out.

"Do you realize what you're saying?! What if you were pulled over by a policeman and had to appear in court over a ticket?! Then what?! How am I supposed to explain THAT to Her Majesty and say that the vampire I allowed to join Hellsing now decided to drive and possibly drive OVER a human?!" Integra shouted.

"Well, Sir, I don't see the real problem. I'll study all the regulations really HARD and I WON'T get pulled over!!! I promise I'll be really good!! I can even practice INSIDE Hellsing until I'm good enough, or in the country, or on missions, or or . . ." Seras stuttered to think of other arguments. "I mean YOU can drive, can't you?" Seras stammered out in her last defense.

"Somewhat. But what has that to do with anything?!" Integra started shouting again.

"We can take it together! You can watch me very closely!!" Seras attempted, her chances of a yes? Slim at best.

"Officer Victoria! I do NOT have a death wish anytime soon!" Integra shouted, almost regretting her words when Seras' face fell to a considerable level and she looked down, her head hung in defeat. Integra pondered for a minute.

I have no time for this. If she really wants it that badly, then maybe I can make conditions. . . Somebody else to supervise her. . .

"Al. . . .Alright. But under this condition," Seras eyes lit up like lights on many Christmas trees on Christmas Eve. "Alucard goes as well." Seras' face fell and her brain ceased to work.

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YAY!! I finished this chapter!! I really wish to continue it!! I might have to adjust the driving to more American than British, though! Please don't be too harsh on me for this! I hope I kept the characters IN character! I tried really hard!!

And yes, I KNOW I'm an evil authoress for putting another story up when I haven't finished three but . . .this came a big inspiration at midnight.

And I know that this is a short chapter compared to how I usually write but I shall try to make the next one longer! Reviews are gratefully appreciated!!! :)


	2. Alucard Goes Shopping

**Author's Note:** YIPEE!!! Thank you for all the feedback! :) It made me really happy!! I would have updated sooner but my internet broke down and I had to use my mom's computer – and there were limited opportunities for that!! I hope to make this fic as enjoyable as possible!! :) I kept all of the characters IN CHARACTER?! YAY! Such comments make me feel that I have accomplished something as a writer!!! :) Enjoy!!

**Disclaimer:** I am but a fan of the show

Who owns it? I have yet to know.

Money for this fic, I do not make.

This story is MINE! Do NOT take!!!

""

Chapter 2: Alucard Goes … Shopping 

""

Seras calmly took her pillow from her coffin-like bed and screamed into it with all the might she had.

_Oh, come now Seras. Taking a driver's ed class with your master is not THAT bad, now is it? _

"Master? MASTER! How many times have I _told_ you to stay OUT of my head!?" Seras screamed at the wall she thought her master's voice could be coming from. She then hurled her pillow with her greatest might toward that wall. She didn't hit her master but she did hurt the innocent bricks.

Her master was apparently _enjoying_ himself, or rather, he enjoyed _tormenting_ her. Alucard continued to laugh.

"Master, this is _not_ funny!" Seras huffed as she jumped off her bed to retrieve the ill treated pillow off the floor. Hoping to close herself off from her master, she then got back on the bed and clicked a button which closed her coffin lid down.

""

_Earlier that day…_

Seras stared. She stared at Integra and hoped she was getting old and her hearing was failing her.

_I need to . . .no, that can't be right. I'm not hearing straight . . ._

Seeing Seras' surprised open-mouthed look, Integra cleared her throat and calmly repeated herself.

"Officer Victoria, if you wish to learn to drive, then Alucard_ must_ accompany you".

"But, Sir . . ."

"No! I will not take any disagreements to my orders! Either you follow them, or you don't get what you want. What is your answer?" Integra narrowed her eyes as she asked Seras. Seras gulped before answering.

"Y-yes Sir".

"Good. Dismissed," Integra calmly stated as she sat back down at her desk and commenced filing her papers. Seras meekly walked out of her office. All hopes of "fun" quickly vanishing from her mind.

""

"O-officer Victoria . . .Officer Victoria? Officer Victoria!!" Seras finally snapped out of her trance to pay attention to Kay, one of her subordinates.

"Yes? What is it?"

"You've been firing at that dummy for quite a while. About ten minutes. And for the past five minutes you've been shooting at it without any ammunition". Seras quickly looked at her gun, she opened it and sure enough it was empty. She sighed exasperatedly.

"Better load it then . . ." Seras sighed as she went to the ammo cabinet. She quickly loaded it and went back to her shooting space and looked at the dummy. The dummy was shot cleanly in only three places, the head, the heart and the . . .groin.

"What the bloody . . ." Seras trailed off. Then she remembered.

_No wonder I shot like that. I was thinking of _**him** Seras growled after her thoughts. She became trigger-happy again and kept shooting madly until one by one her subordinates carefully made their way out of the shooting range . . .and as far away from her as possible.

"Interesting targets, Police Girl. May I inquire your reasons?" Alucard smirked, amused. Seras whipped around.

"No! You may _not _ask! And my name is_ not_ Police Girl, it is SERAS VICTORIA!!"

"So feisty, _Police Girl_. Could it be that you are mad at little old me?" Alucard grinned wide enough until it looked like his face was trying to eat itself.

"Sir Alucard. Miss Victoria. Sir Integra requests to see you both in her office _immediately_," Walter announced casually. He acted as if the scene in front of him was as normal as cheesecake. But then again…maybe it was. Alucard was still grinning like an annoying Cheshire cat –from ear to ear– and Seras was yelling at him while pointing her gun at his head.

"Don't be slow, _Police Girl_. We wouldn't want Integra to _die_ before you get there your _usually_ way, now do we?" Alucard laughed as he disappeared into the walls.

Seras growled and threw her gun at the spot on the wall Alucard had disappeared into. She than ran off the other way. Walter sighed and casually picked up the discarded gun and placed it back in its cabinet.

_A blood-crazed psycho vampire, a timid yet temperamental new vampire, and a Hellsing who's confused by her own gender and insists that other people call her "Sir". I must be the "luckiest" butler alive._

""

Seras ran up the many stairs, as fast as she could. By the time she reached Integra's office, she was panting. She opened the door and hoped that for once the odds would be on her favor. She opened the door…and the odds, as usual, piled themselves against her.

"Integra, you were right. _The Police Girl_ did _not_ die on her way!" Alucard said with a smirk toward Seras' way.

"Good. You're here, Officer Victoria. Now we can begin," Integra calmly stated as se ignored Alucard and clasped her hands together and used them as a chin rest. Seras sighed out of defeat, closed the door and proceeded to walk toward Integra's desk. When she got there, she made sure she was at least five meters away from Alucard. Alucard smirked and continued to sideways inch his way towards her.

"I have called the two of you here to consult you both on your driver's education. As obviously, the two of you do _not_ look human and in order to send you to a human drivers school –since Hellsing doesn't provide one– we must somehow prepare you two—"

Integra stopped in the middle of her sentence to glare at Alucard.

"Alucard, stop being the obnoxious vampire you are and leave Officer Victoria alone. Step three meters to your LEFT so that Officer Victoria does not need to stand next to the wall."

Alucard gave 'humphf' before he moved to 'his' side of Sir Integra's desk and Seras mover to 'hers'.

"Good. Now as I was saying, we need to prepare you somehow. First, the two of you must buy 'human clothes'. Second, no more vanishing," Integra stated as she looked at Alucard; Seras smiled. "Seras' way of getting around is more human". Seras resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at Alucard from triumph. "And third, Officer Victoria would you see to it that you are enrolled in the closest school?" Integra asked as she looked at Seras.

"Yes Sir, but who should I –We– enroll as?" Seras asked as Integra thought about it.

"Pretend you're married." Seras eyes widened in horror.

"Pretend you're dating." Integra attempted to make it better, but Seras' eyes continued to widen.

"Pretend you're his daughter?" Seras' face scrunched up.

"FINE. You're distant cousins. That's final."

"Must we be related?" Seras whined. Integra sighed.

"Look, pretending to be cousins won't be that bad. It's a reason for you two to talk to each other in class if you need to. It'll save trouble." Seras seemed to think on this for a while.

"What shall we say our last names are?" Seras asked as Integra pondered on this question, too.

"You're Seras Victoria and he's . . .Alucard . . ." Integra seemed to drift off thinking a suitable last name for him.

"—the Great," Alucard finished off. Integra smacked her forehead.

_Father, don't get me wrong, I am glad you left me this vampire to save my life but…why did you have to pick one so _**annoying**

"Alucard…Hellsing?" Seras timidly suggested. Integra growled as she glared at Seras.

"Sorry, Sir, just a suggestion," Seras said as she looked down at the carpet, suddenly finding it very interesting.

"Alucard the Destroyer".

"Alucard shut up," Integra glared at her "pet" as she looked to Seras. "Any other suggestions?"

"Umm will Alucard . . .Smith? Johnson? Maxwell? Brown? Jones? I think I know some more. . .Oh! Alucard Dhampyir[1] !" Seras resisted the urge to jump in triumph. Integra sat up.

"Perfect. Now that you have a name I put the responsibility of locating a school and signing yourselves up to be your responsibility," Integra told Seras as Seras nodded in agreement.

"Good. The two of you are dismissed. And please, no more bickering. I may be _human_, but I'm certainly not deaf".

""

Seras loved taking walks. She loved to feel the cool breeze in her hair as she walked during the night. Or maybe it was her vampire side talking? Everything could have been _perfect_ had not—

"Police Girl, you're about to walk into a pole." Seras stopped immediately daydreaming and stopped just in time before she had a collision with a pole. Seras muttered a begrudged 'thanks' to Alucard before continuing to walk to the shopping mall. Of course they naturally had to _walk, _since they weren't allowed to fly or use Integra's special limousine. And of course, _kind_ Alucard refused to ride the bus with "pesky, stinky humans".

Seras was getting angrier by the second. She kept walking and letting her anger cloud her vision. Suddenly she felt someone grab her by the collar and pull her backward.

"Hey what's the big idea?!" Seras exclaimed as she whacked Alucard's hand away from her collar.

"I'm sorry Police Girl, would you rather I push you back in?" Alucard asked calmly as Seras looked back in front of her. There was an endless stream of cars going by looking as though this one street was the road to infinity. Nope. Under the wheels of over a hundred automobiles is not where Seras wanted to be.

"Umm no…"

"Good. Then let's be on our way," Alucard said as he walked in the other direction. Soon enough the two of them had gotten to Oxford Circus [2].

""

"OH!! Try this –Oh and this!! Definitely this!! And here, his too!!" Seras practically squealed out of excitement as she shoved of what seemed mountain-fulls of clothes into Alucard's arms. It now looked like Alucard was actually holding someone. A very _fat_ someone. Seras then shoved him into a dressing room. Alucard looked over the items.

_WHAT THE!?_ Alucard asked himself as he picked out a very flowery shirt. _What does she think of me as? A girl? A girly-man?? I'm a VAMPIRE dammit! _ Alucard hissed in his head as he tossed the shirt aside. He continued to look at the other items. _Pink?! PINK?! I do NOT wear pink under ANY circumstances!! _Alucard tossed that aside as well. He came across—_ Flowery pants?! Flowery PANTS?! Does she think I'm a HIPPIE at heart? Do I come off as THAT nice. Hmmm looks like I must be crueler. _ With that happy thought Alucard grinned. He continued to paw through the things. Some horrified him, others let him know how old he really was, and others made him doubt Seras' sanity. _This looks decent._ Alucard thought as he dressed and then went outside to look at himself in the mirror [3]. _Not bad. Not bad at all._

Seras smacked her forehead. _Master . . .no _sane _person goes to school in a tuxedo. . ._

_I heard that Police Girl._

"Master!" Seras gasped. "I told you to stay OUT of my head!" At that comment the store clerk looked at her strangely.

"I mean, it's just that you know . . .what I was thinking!! Yeah! I was _just _going to suggest that suit to you. . .my. . .my dear!" Seras finished with a nervous laugh. The clerk raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. He continued to enter things in the computer.

_Oh. . ._Seras moaned. _I hope the clerk doesn't think I'm psycho. Maybe he'll think that we're just kinky or something . . ._

_Are you now, Police Girl?_ Alucard smirked.

_MASTER""_ Seras screamed in her head. But instead of answering him she blushed with the colors of a tomato or how someone looks when they're about to blow their top. Luckily Alucard didn't notice. He was too busy admiring himself in the mirror like a peacock.

""

After a few minutes more of waiting for Alucard, Seras finally gave up and went to find her some clothes. She found some nice pairs of jeans and some shirts with funny sayings on them. Among them were:

"I don't live, I exist. And I exist to annoy you" [4]

"Bored of Education."

"I see your mouth moving but all I hear is blah blah blah."

"Why do today what you can save for tomorrow?" [4]

"I'm with Stupid."

Seras couldn't resist. She took all of the shirts and placed them on hold at the cash register. She then went off to find nice blouses/shirts to match the jeans.

""

Alucard finally stopped admiring himself and placed the tuxedo on hold. He then continued to look through all of the shirts. While he was doing this, he noticed Seras quickly going to the changing room with a mountain of clothes, then coming back with about half and putting them on hold and she continued to do this while all Alucard found was two pairs of dark blackish jeans, a leather jacket, a BLACK trench coat and a few shirts. Both of them finally met up at the counter. Alucard looked at his meager pile and at Seras' mountain.

"Are you sure we can afford all that?"

"It's on sale . . ." Seras attempted to explain. Alucard's face suddenly lit up and he

reached into his pocket.

"Yes, I agree, Police Girl. Everything will be paid for," Alucard gave a smirk as he handed his card over to the clerk to ring up their items. Seras didn't like that smirk. Not just any smirk _that_ smirk. It meant Alucard was planning something. And it was never good.

""

Alucard continued to walk down the streets of London with Seras close by. He liked the fresh air – he loved the feel of the night. He didn't even mind that he had to carry all of Seras' bags. _All_ of them; her bags numbered 30 while his bags were only 3. He continued to wear his trademarked smirk and he was aware that is presence was making Seras very uncomfortable.

""

_Water bill: £180; Electricity: £220; Ammunition: £345; Medical Blood: £75; Personal credit card: £1540 . . .Wait _ Integra stopped adding the numbers up. _£540?!! Who the hell could have spent my. . ._

"ALUCARD""!!" Integra screamed as she smashed her hands on her desk and stood up. Moments later a maniacal laughter echoed through the Hellsing mansion.

""

""

**Footnotes**

[1] I don't know if "Dhampyir" is spelt right but it is a Transylvanian name. –grin– And ironically it is the son of a vampire. A son of a vampire is the only one who is strong enough to actually kill a vampire, or so it is written. I thought it is a nice name for Alucard. Of course if you have suggestions, I don't mind re-thinking Alucard's last name.

[2] Ever heard of this place? Ever heard of Harrods? That's where it is. Oxford Circus is like a huge mall, except the shops are outside on streets unless you go into the department stores. How do I know this? I used to live there for a few years. -sigh- Oh, beautiful England!!!

[3] Yeah, I know, many vampire tales say that vampires have no reflection. But if I said that then this story wouldn't be as much fun, now would it? There is no reason to scare the customers . . .not yet, anyway. :)

[4] The first one is my made up moto, the second one is a saying I heard and took it on as my other moto. :) Anybody else have any funny motos?

""

Wow! I've never had so many footnotes in one chapter!!! Tehee!! YAY!! I'm finally writing like I usually do!! Well, a _little_ more. Usually I write 5-6 pages but I made this chapter extra special and made it 8 pages!! :) I was kinda embarrassed that I only wrote 3 pages in my last chapter – hope this chapter makes it up!! Reviews make me happy!!

""

Jan: -sigh- Hi, I'm Jan.

Luke: -sigh- And I'm Luke.

Jan & Luke: An we're the Valentine brothers.

Seras: Oh no! Not you two blitherin' idiots!

Integra: I ought to sic Alucard on the both of you.

Alucard: Yes, that would be nice. You haven't fed me master . . .

Jan: Bro you still haven't told me what's that thing on your head.

Luke: -Cowers in a corner from Alucard-

Alucard: -grin-

Integra: -takes a cigar and smokes it-

Luke: And you haven't told me why you're on fire . . .

Seras: I'm confused . . .

Walter: Thank you loyal reviewers, till next time!


	3. Teachers Leave Us Kids Alone

**Author's Note:** Wow! Thanks for all the feedback! All these reviews make me extremely happy and ready to type out a new chapter!!! ;) And this chapter's title comes from Pink Floyd's album "The Wall". As you can tell – I like rock. :) By the way, Alucard and Seras' teacher mirrors MY driver's ed teacher except I changed the name a little bit. Enjoy!! :)

**Chapter Note: **Regarding the little snippet at the end of my last chapter . . . Do you watch the anime? Do you remember the little "next chapter" things where Seras attempts to tell what happens in the next chapter but never gets around to it because so many random things happen?? Well, that's what I'm going to be doing. :) It adds just a bit more comedy. Enjoy this chapter!!

**Disclaimer:** Grand Hellsing belongs to whom?

Not to me I say!

Please don't sue! I have no cash!

-Ch3-

Chapter 3: Teachers Leave Us Kids Alone 

-Ch3-

Seras looked in the mirror and put a blue shirt on a hanger in front of her and then a red one.

_I don't know which one to pick . . .they're both so nice. The blue one has beautiful sparkles on it while the red one is a softy-velvety texture._

Seras continued to ponder before realizing she had her favorite outfit newly washed – thanks to Walter. Seras happily walked over to her closet and pulled out light blue jeans, red tank-top and a dark blue coat.

"There! Now I'm ready!"

-Ch3-

Knock.

"Master?"

Knock, knock.

"Master!"

KNOCK. KNOCK.

"MASTER!!!"

BANG. BANG.

Seras' tiny thread of patience snapped after waiting for one minute after every call for her master. After she banged on the door loud enough for the dead to hear [1], she kicked it down. Seras' blood boiled. There on the bed, lay her master. He was dressed in his "house clothes" as he called them and he was apparently . . .taking a nap. Of course, Seras had never been to her master's _real_ room – he just liked this room because Walter had put a new mattress in it. Seras stomped over to the bed and was ready to punch Alucard awake when he suddenly vanished. Actually he _melted_ into the mattress. An eerie laughter was heard echoing throughout the room.

"Come now, Police Girl. Are you so eager to kill your master?"

"We're going to be late!" Seras half whined half yelled.

"I'll meet you outside Police Girl. Odds are I'll still get there faster even though I need to change," Alucard's cruel laughter echoed through the room as his presence disappeared.

"I'll show him!" Seras yelled before running through the Hellsing manor with lightning-speed. She finally made it to the front entrance and as she turned the knob and as she looked outside . . .

_No! It can't be . . ._

Seras stared as her favorite ice cream truck went by. Not only was she going to be late to her first driving class, but she had also missed her daily choco-pop. And _behind_ the ice cream truck, after it drove away, stood none other than Alucard. And he was eating _her _favorite choco pop. Seras felt like ripping off Alucard's head and giving it to Integra as a birthday present. His head would go nicely with all the other hunted animal heads Integra was collecting.

"What took you so long, Police Girl?" Alucard asked snidely as he gulped down the rest of his ice cream cone. He was dressed in dark black jeans, a neat white dress shirt with the ever present Hellsing signature tie, and a leather jacket. Seras fumed.

"MASTER!!!!"

-Ch3- --

_ I missed my ice cream. I might miss my class. He made fun of my outfit and said my face looks like many tomatoes in mating season, when I'm angry. _ Seras put her face in her hands. _ Why is Sir Integra so cruel??! Why did she have to make _him_ be the one who supervised me?! _

-Ch3-

_Miles away . . ._

Integra sat in her comfy leather chair with her feet propped neatly on her desk. She smoked a cigar, slowly inhaling it's fragrance. He body, for once, was relaxed, and her mind was placid.

"I hope you don't hate me, Seras. It was the only way to get that annoying vampire – Alucard- away from me," Integra talked to no one in particular as she continued to relax, I mean actually relax. No more bored Alucard playing a prank on her. No more secret visits. No more annoying comments. At least . . .for three WHOLE peaceful hours. Integra wasn't the only one enjoying Alucard's absence. The rest of the Hellsing organization was practically jumping from joy. Walter included.

-Ch3-

Alucard stared at his fledgling. She was holding her head in her hands and groaning. Of course, naturally he read her mind and grinned.

_My little fledgling . . . the fun has only begun . . ._

-Ch3-

When Alucard and Seras _finally _arrived at the school, Seras practically flew out of the limo. Alucard laughed.

"So eager Police Girl?" But Seras was already too far to hear. She was already at the door and was presently caught in a sea of procrastinating students as they all at once tried to enter the school and avoid being late for their first class.

_Where am I? Haven't I passed that shirt before? I know I have. Wait. I don't think my feet are moving! I'm floating??? No that can't be! Where's north? I can't even see the bloody door!! _Seras' thought process grew even more frantic as her desire to be on time, and thus show herself to be a worthy student, kept growing.

Calmly, Alucard strode out of the limo. Because of his height, he could navigate through the herd of students much faster and better than Seras could. Alucard used his might to plow through the students, not giving much thought if he knocked one over while stepping on another.

_What am I going to do?! And Alucard is NO where to be seen! I mean, I THINK I can see a tall vampire wearing a red trench-coat . . ._Seras' eyes widened. _Oh hell! He's not wearing that! What am I to do?! _ An arm wrapped around her waist and gently lifted her up. _What the blood hell?! _Seras practically screamed in her head as she was now literally carried somewhere.

_Calm down, Police Girl. I'm merely attempting to stop you from being trampled on. Let's face it – you're as short as they come. Besides, you were 'floating' toward the janitor's closet. Of course, if you wish, you and I can visit it together later if you'd like._

Seras reddened. Either from anger or from embarrassment, she couldn't tell. Seras couldn't decide whether to bite her master or her tongue. _Wait? Did I just think of BITING someone?_ Seras groaned. _Maybe I am more in-tune with my vampire side than I thought. . ._

Alucard didn't respond. He merely grinned his evil grin.

-Ch3-

When the two vampires _finally _managed to get inside the classroom, the two of them went straight to two empty desks. They got two seats in the middle.

_Hell. The back seats are taken. I wonder what Master Integra would think if I threw the students out of their seats . . ._

_Damn. The front seats are taken. _Seras glanced at Alucard. _I hope he's not thinking of doing something that would get the two of us in trouble. _

Alucard gave an exasperated sigh. _At least we get the middle seats. I hate sitting in the front. I HATE being out in the day. _Both Alucard and Seras sat down and waited for class to begin. One was excited to learn about how to drive, while the other was excited to get this opportunity to think of another prank to play on Integra.

-Ch3-

"Good morning, class. I'm your teacher, Mr. Haggis[2]". By the division of the answers, one could easily tell that the class was made of many different groups of people. One group enthusiastically said "Good Morning" back to their new teacher. These were the actual "students". Another group took this as a cue to start sleeping – these were the professional slackers. Yet another group ginned at the teacher's name and in their heads many jokes were already forming – these were the wise-asses. Of course, while Seras was inclining toward the "students", Alucard was inclining towards the "wise-asses".

_This is so exciting! I wonder what we're going to learn about first! Maybe we'll watch a video or . . .—_

"Alright, lot, the first thing you will receive will be your blue folderellos[3]," Mr. Haggis casually informed the class as bright blue folders were passed around. Seras' opened her folder as soon as she got it, while Alucard just glanced at it and then continued planning his prank on Integra.

"Alright, then. Inside you will find a white folder. You must place the following things in this folder in order to get your driver's permit: Your birth certificate, social security number, ID card, passport, and the other three documents – the red, green and yellow papers in your folder – which must be signed. Have all this ready by tomorrow."

_Tomorrow!? _Seras quickly sat up straight. _But. . . but half of those things are in my house in Bath!! Damn! How am I going to get them that fast for _tomorrow Seras put her head in her hands.

"And now class, we will start the day off with an exciting test-ero. Your answer sheets are in your folders – the big white packets. Turn to Lesson one". Seras squeaked.

_TEST?! Nobody warned me about a TEST!! I didn't study – what if I fail? I'll never get my driver's permit, I'll never get a driver's license, I'll – _

"Here you go miss. Get started; you only have half an hour," Mr. Haggis calmly stated as he handed her a test. Seras looked at it before opening to lesson one in her packet.

_Eighty questions? EIGHTY questions in half an hour!? This is bloody ridiculous!!_ Seras groaned. Somehow this reminded her when Fergasson first tutored her on her mission. And THAT didn't go very well, considering the fact that she failed on her first mission anyway.

-Ch3-

_A…A…A…A…A…A…A…And Another A for 'Alucard'. A… A…A…_Alucard continued to fill in his answer sheet with the same letter. Over…and over…again.

_Ummm ok this one is A! No that can't be it! I'm not doing so well on time here!! _Seras continued to panic as she filled in her answer sheet. Alucard casually glanced over at Seras' sheet.

_Hmmm starting from #50: A B A D B A D B A D B A D B A D…_

"Alright class, put your pencils down. The tests are over," Mr. Haggis calmly stated as some of his students' heads darted up in fear, others went down in sleepiness, while others looked up casually.

"Alright lassies and laddies you now have ten minutes break. Be back or else you're counted tardy and you'll have to take this class AGAIN some other time."

Alucard quickly got up and started for the door. Seras looked down at her almost filled answer sheet. She sighed, deciding that it's not good if she cheated and continued. She flipped hers over and casually looked at Alucard's.

_What the bloody HELL?! All of his answers are the same letter!! Wait a minute . . ._Seras flipped her answer sheet over again and compared it to Alucard's. _Hey!! He copied me from #50 to #65!!! Damn bastard._

"Police Girl, you wouldn't be cheating by any chance would you?" Alucard calmly stated. Fuming, Seras glared at Alucard. She was glad her teacher had stepped out of the room and didn't hear Alucard. Who knows what he would have done to her if he believed Alucard's accusation?

"_I_ cheated?! You're the one who copied my answers!!" Seras blurted out.

"I did no such thing. Our same answers are merely coincidence," Alucard stretched his back before proceeding out the door – with Seras hot on his heels.

"MASTER! Cheating isn't going to get you anywhere! Why'd you have to look at my paper anyway?!"

"Because the rest of them are even stupider than you are".

"Wait a minute – that's an insult!"

"Well done, Police Girl!"

"MASTER!!!" Their voices continued to drift down the hall.

-Ch3-

**Footnotes:**

**[1]: **A pun!! Get it?! Alucard is dead and well . . .umm yeah . . .not my best use of the English language! :(

**[2] **Yes, I AM aware that "haggis" is a type of famous Scottish food. My driver's ed teacher's name always reminded me of "haggis" every time some one said his actual name.

**[3]** No, this is NOT a grammar error. If you are checking for grammar errors, skip Mr. Haggis' speech because he, like my teacher, made a lot of mistakes and made up a lot of words because he felt like it.

-Ch3-

Did anyone realize that I used British spelling?! TomatoEs!!! Go me!! I actually had to learn to spell the "British way" when I lived in England. I still do spell most things "wrong" since I live in America now. Woohoo!! Another chapter completed!! I hope you like!! Reviews and strong criticisms are welcome!!! :)

-Ch3-

**Seras:** Right! In the next chapter Alucard and I . . .

**Halconnen Fairy:** Run through the pretty fields of flowers and eat candy corn. . .

**Seras:** -throbbing nerve- Why the bloody hell are you here?!

**Alexander Anderson:** Tae rid the E'rth of all the eavils that dweal in et.

**Seras: **-screams bloody murder-

**Integra:** Alucard!!

**Alucard:** Walter.

**Walter:** Sir Integra!

**Integra: **Alucard! I want Paladin Alexander Anderson out of MY country NOW!!

**Alucard:** Walter. . .I'm thirsty, do you have any medicated blood?

**Walter:** Sir Integra! Yelling and smoking at the same time is bad for your health!

**Seras:** -sighs- Will the lot of you please be quiet so that I can tell everyone what happens in the next chapter?

**Everyone (but Seras and A.A.):** NO!

**Alexander Anderson:** Nae.

**Seras: **-sighs dejectedly as the rest continue bickering and yelling at each other- Thank you for all the reviews.


	4. Nurse Alucard

**Author's Note:** -Smiles wide- YIPEEE!!! I'm really happy that I got so many reviews!!! Such large feedback makes me want to get back on this laptop and type faster!!! :) I would have updated faster but my off-season basketball, school and my flu got in the way!! :( Next week's update might go faster or slower depending on my stress level and this dreaded flu!! Also, the whole "-Ch.4-" things are merely spacings I add between my paragraphs since won't let me use any other special effects. –Growl-

**Special Announcement: **Happy Birthday Lady Dementa!!! I'm glad this fic made you happy!!:)

**Disclaimer:** I may be down with the flu,

But this fic is happening anew.

I kid you not!

Who owns Hellsing?!

I forgot.

-Ch.4-

Chapter 4: Nurse Alucard 

-Ch.4-

Steps echoed through the empty hall. The walls were aged as well as the traditions and beliefs that were sanctioned in this holy place. The silhouette of a figure approached an ancient door. With slight hesitation, he opened the door, went through and closed it behind him – softly.

"Ye' wanted ta' see me, Seir?"

"Yes, please do come forward." The dark silhouette's steps once again echoed through the ancient building as he stepped forward to the desk.

"Wha' es it? I am 'ere to seirve."

"Good. Then you wouldn't mind if I were to dispatch you to England immediately?"

"Immedia'ly ye' sey?" The silhouette's smile grew wide enough for either side to reach the separate ends of the Earth.

"Yes. The leader of _that_ organization _dared_ to call me a 'warthog'. I have as little regard for them as I have for the vampire _filth _we exterminate. You are to go to England and stop the bug problem from coming over _here_ – find it's source and terminate it."

"And Wha' do propose Iye do if Iye w're to run into that vaimpire?"

"Do what you must. He is a _vampire_. And seen equal in the eyes of God are all vampires and all who side with such filth."

"And how do ye purpose Iye find a convenient waiy to engage with him in baittle?" The other man grinned.

"I've been informed that he and Miss Seras have enrolled in a driving school."

-Ch.4-

Seras trudged through the sludge to her limo. Count on the bloody English weather to always come and aid your very worst days. The only thing Seras wanted was to go home, eat a bowl of soup and sleep the day away. Seras groaned. At least she still _could _eat soup. Since she was now a vampire, she was limited to liquid things since her vampiric body really had no more need for solid foods.

"Hello, Miss Victoria. To the Hellsing manor I take it?" the limo driver asked as he opened the door for Seras.

"Yes, please," Seras replied with a short sigh as she sat down in the limo.

"Police Girl, unless you want me to _sit_ on your lap, I suggest you scoot over," Alucard ginned down. Seras sighed exasperatedly before scooting over. The last thing she wanted was to have a heavy-weight vampire sit on her and crush every bone in her body.

-Ch.4-

Integra sat at her desk, still smoking one of her priceless cigars. Once in a while she shuffled her papers and attempted to get them in order. She had almost finished organizing them, so maybe it was Alucard who always distracted her?

_Master, I'm home!!_ Integra cringed on the outside and groaned inside.

"Alucard!! _How_ many times must tell you _not_ to use telepathy on me!? Integra growled at the walls. "How was it?" Integra asked, suddenly thinking of _why _Alucard wasn't there in the first place.

_Oh, it was fun. Police girl almost got trampled on, our teacher's name is the type of Scottish food you won't touch, and we took an easy quiz on which Police Girl tried to cheat._

Integra frowned. Somehow, she thought it was unlikely that Seras was the one cheating. "Where's Officer Victoria?" Alucard frowned in thought, instantly opening his telepathic channel with Seras.

_I believe she has caught a cold. Maybe I should nurse her…_

"No! Alucard you will do no such thing!"

_But Master, she is my fledgling! _Alucard grinned. The wide grin now visible in Integra's office – on the furthest wall.1

"Because, Alucard, if you can remember what happened when you tried to nurse _me _when _I_ got sick?" Integra growled towards the wall. Alucard pondered. Of course! How could he forget!?

-Ch.4-

_Ten years ago . . ._

"Alright, Alucard. I'm leaving you in charge of Integra. The medicine for her developing flu is the bottle third from the right, second shelf from the bottom. I'll be back in a few days." Walter instructed Alucard. Now that Integra's father had died, Walter took it upon himself to become Integra's supervisor. However, his mother's illness caused him to go back to South America.

"Of course. I can remember that," Alucard grinned. Walter frowned. Somehow, he felt uneasy leaving this vampire with Integra – but what other choice did he have?

"Goodbye then. I'll be back in about a week." Alucard's only response was to grin wider.

After Walter left, Alucard started to search around the grounds for Integra. Her scent was easy enough to pick up. He suddenly stepped on something.

"Owww, heifer," the thing exclaimed. Alucard looked down. Very down. Integra was lying flat, face in the carpet. Alucard picked her up by the scruff of her clothing until she was face-to-face with him.

"What, were you taking a nap?" Alucard snickered.

"Oh shut up," was Integra's only reply before she sneezed twice in a row.

-Integra's Point of View: Start-

_My head . . ._Integra whined to herself as she continued walking. _What am I supposed to do again? Oh, yes, go to the library._ Integra sighed. She hated being home-schooled. Actually, she hated school in general.

_Worst of all Walter is leaving today. I have to stay at home with that horrible vampire._ Integra's sneezing stopped her thoughts. She continued to walk before she tripped on something. She landed face down into the carpet.

_What the bloody--!? Oh, I didn't know our carpet was so soft . . .so warm . . .so inviting. I suppose my project can wait a few minutes. This nap will do me good. _Integra smiled as she let herself be dragged into sleep-land. He nice world was interrupted by something very heavy stepping on her.

-Integra's Point of View: End-

"Oh, it looks like our little Hellsing has caught a cold," Alucard grinned his Cheshire-like grin. Alucard put Integra over his shoulder.

"But I don't want to . . ." Integra began before she started drifting into sleep. Alucard then walked to Integra's room, lay her on her bed and went off in search of the medicine.

When he finally reached the medicine cabinet he opened it and just looked at it. It was about ten shelves high and the width of Alucard's height and probably had all the medicine in the world on it.

_Let's see, didn't he say second from the top and third from the left?_ Alucard didn't even bother to look at the bottle as he simply took it and went on his way.

When he got to Integra's room, he saw that she had somehow found her way under the covers and her shoes were thrown on the ground.

"I've got your medicine," Integra took one look at it. _Yeuch. I hate medicine. No way I'm taking it._ Integra turned away from Alucard and pulled the covers over her head. Alucard frowned. _I'm going to make her take her medicine even if I have to use force!_ Alucard calmly yanked Integra's covers off her as she yelped; he opened the bottle. He sat down on the bed as he pulled Integra to him. He got her head in a headlock.

"Let me GO!!!" Integra yelled as she attempted to unclench Alucard's arm from her neck. Unfortunately, he had a death-grip on her. 2 Alucard clenched Integra's nose, causing her to fully open her mouth as he emptied the bottle's contents, fully. Integra's eyes widened. After the bottle was empty, Alucard released Integra.

"Now that wasn't so bad was it?"

"I don't know what the HELL that is, but it's NOT flu medicine!!" Integra ran off to her bathroom and started hurling into her toilet. As Integra retched out the contents of her stomach, Alucard started reading the label.

"Hmm 'Middle Eastern Cure for Snakebites'3." Alucard turned it over to look at the ingredients. "Crushed ram's eyes, camels' milk, ground scorpion brain, nutmeg, camel's liver, rosemary, goat's blood . . ." Alucard decided to stop right there. Integra's retching wasn't going to stop at this rate.

Forty minutes later . . .

Integra finished brushing her teeth, flossing and rinsing. She would have yelled at Alucard, had she the energy. She merely walked to her bed and slumped on it. Alucard covered her with a blanket before heading out of the room to find – someplace to laugh.

-Ch.4-

_Present day . . ._

"Come on, master. It wasn't THAT bad now was it?" This question earned a glare from Integra.

"Alucard, get out of my office and stay _away _from Seras. I'll have Walter deal with her." Integra stated in her "ordering" voice – Alucard looked almost _hurt_. He simply sighed and disappeared into the nearest wall.

-Ch.4-

_Why don't this bloody door OPEN?! Oh, I'm turning it the wrong way . . ._ Seras finally opened her door and as soon as she did she closed it and ran to her bed. She plopped on it face down – her face buried into the pillow. A knock came at the door.

"Miss Victoria."

"Mmmff."

"Miss Victoria?"

"MMMFF!!!"

"I'm sorry Miss Victoria, I do not believe I understand." Seras groaned and turned her head to the side, facing the door.

"Yes, Walter?"

"I brought you some soup—" No sooner had the word "soup" come out of Walter's mouth, Seras already had the door open.

"Oh! What kind is it??" Seras asked as she peered into the big bowl.

"Chicken noodle, I believe."

"Thank you, Walter!!" Seras practically jumped for joy as she took the bowl from Walter and went to her table.

"Enjoy, Miss Victoria." Seras was already half way finished.

-Ch.4-

_The next day . . ._

Seras rolled over. _My bed is so warm . . ._Happy thoughts of warm things came to mind: soup, sleeping and more sleeping.

_Police Girl. _Seras groaned.

"What is it, master?" She muffled into her pillow.

_You have ten minutes to get ready for your school before I leave without you._ Seras eyes shot open.

"MASTER!! Why didn't you tell me SOONER?!!"

_It's just not fun that way. _And once again maniacal laughter filled her room.

Seras started to rush around her room. That is, after she untangled herself from the sheets. She ran into her closet and dressed in the first outfit she grabbed. She ran to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. She then ran out of the room like the hounds of hell were upon her.

-Ch. 4-

**Footnotes:**

**1 **I watched the anime and I realized that Alucard has this annoying habit of making random body parts appear on walls out of nowhere.

**2 **Yes! Indeed another undead pun!! Yipee!! See, cuz cuz Alucard is dead and and he has a "death-grip" on Integra and and ummm yeah. :)

**3** No offense to anyone that would be offended. Some of these ingredients ARE used but I do not know if they are mixed together.

-Ch.4-

**Endnotes:** Yay! There it is – the fourth chapter! Sorry you people had to wait so long!! I'm already starting to get ideas for the fifth one!!!

-Ch.4-

**Incognito:** Hello. Why am I here?

**Seras:** -screams a blood curdling scream as she sees him-

**Alexander Anderson:** So tha' Iye can ried the E'rth of the eavils!!

**Seras:** -screams a blood curdling scream as she sees him-

**Alucard:** Police girl stop screaming.

**Halconnen fairy:** -dancing- Ring around the roses! Pockets full of poses!

**Integra:** -takes a breath so deep that her cigar turns into ash- ALUCARD!!!

**Seras:** -screams a blood curdling scream as the Halconnen fairy starts dancing around her-

**Integra:** Alucard! I thought I told you to get RID of him!! –points to A.A.- NOW!! Get rid of him, and him –points to Incognito- and that pansy!! –points to Halconnen fairy- And for goodness sakes make Seras stop screaming!!

**Walter:** Another cigar Sir Integra?

**Seras:** Cigars make you have cancer! –screams another blood curdling scream-

**Walter:** -sighs- And once again – thank you dear reviewers!!


	5. Unwanted Guest

**Author's Note: **Ooops!! Sorry that took a long time!! Here is the next chapter!! By the way, feel free to ask me questions – I answered some of them below!! :) Enjoy!!

**Special Note: Female Heero Yuy:** Thank you for taking such an interest in the details of my story. However, I have a few things to clear up. Before I started this story I watched ALL of the DVDs (and I own the set as well) and I have read three of the four mangas. I am well aware of the fact that Integra is part of the round table. However, just like almost any other name in the world, 'Hellsing' is not unique. Other people in the world may have the same last name – it does not mean they're related to Integra. Likewise, if Alucard were to have Integra's last name it does not mean he's related to her. – it was just a joke in my story. :) Secondly, Dhampyir is spelt correctly. Dhampyir or Dhampyr are the true Transylvanian spelling of the name. Modern spelling rules changed it to Dhampire although I usually prefer to use the other spelling; likewise, this is similar to Vampyr spelled Vampire. Both spelling are correct. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!!! :)

**Special Note2: Don't Tread On Me:** Yes! YES!! My sheer brilliance will be known!!!

-runs around in circles, laughing- I did make an allusion to the Matrix!! I knew about Brown, Jones, and Smith but I haven't see the Matrix Revolutions yet so I wouldn't know about the last dude – he was a random name!!! :)

**Special Note3:** Thank you all my loyal reviewers! It makes me happy to know that you understand my puns!! For the most part. . .

**Disclaimer:** I own this story. I own the plot. I do not own Hellsing. Anyone know where I can get stocks??

-Ch.5-

Chapter 5: Unwanted Guest 

A figure walked into a small office. His eerie cloak whipped around him as he calmly strolled over to a chair and sat down. After a few moments, a voice awoke him from his thoughts.

"Sir?"

"Aye?"

"Would you please fill an application form?"

"Aye," the figure grudgingly agreed as he stood up, took a piece of paper from the secretary, and started to fill it out. After a few moments he handed it back to her.

"Oh, well, Mr. Anderson is it? Very nice to meet you. Welcome to our driving school."

-Ch.5-

"Miss Victoria!!!" Seras whipped around at the sound of her name. A very distraught Walter was running up to her.

"You almost forgot this! Sir Integra wanted me to give this to you before you left!" Walter told her between puffs for air as he handed her a leather binder.

"Thank you, Walter. Good-bye!" Seras sputtered out as she grabbed the leather binder and ran off, knowing that she could be late. She ran up to her limo as the door was opened to her. She quickly jumped in and the limo driver shut the door.

"What took you so long, Police Girl?" Seras turned to face forward attempting to ignore her master's annoying taunts.

_Oooooh so she's going to be a bad girl today, hmm? Well then, I guess I'll have to do something about that, now won't I?_

"Police Girl, How about we play a game?"

Silence was Seras' answer as she tried to keep a stern face while she clutched the leather binder to her chest and stared forward.

"How about we play 'I spy'?" Alucard persisted.

_He just doesn't get it!! Why won't he just leave me ALONE!!_ Seras continued to fume in her mind.

"I spy with my little eye. . ."

Suddenly, Seras' view was blocked by one ugly, detached red eye that was looking intently at her. And there was only one person who could detach an eye and commit such a vulgar act—

"AHHHHHHH!!!!!" Seras screamed as she scrunched her eyes in horror, attempting to forget the ugliest detached organ she had ever witnessed. The same maniacal laughter filled the limo all the way to the driving school.

-Ch.5-

When they had arrived at the school, Seras jumped out of the limo and dashed to her classroom – anything to get away from Alucard. Seras took the same seat she did yesterday. She tossed her folder on the desk as she sat down. Her head came down on the folder with a 'plunk'.

_I really don't want to see his face. And his ugly eye. _Seras shuddered. _I'll just have a nice little nap. . ._ Seras felt somebody sit down next to her. She didn't have to open her eyes to know who it was. She just hoped he would disappear into a wall or something.

A few moments later she heard the hustle and bustle of students rush in and take their seats. Because of this, Seras was glad she and Alucard has made it to class early. Being caught in a whirlpool of students was not her idea of fun.

-Ch.5-

"Alright, class. I'm going to collect the information I asked last time – the junk that should be in your folders." Seras started to panic.

_Oh no! I completely forgot!! I was so sick yesterday I didn't pay attention!!_ Seras finally remembered the binder.

_-"You almost forgot this! Sir Integra wanted me to give this to you before you left!" Walter told her between puffs for air as he handed her a leather binder.-_

Quickly opening the binder, Seras hoped that it contained some kind of miracle. Seras almost fell off her chair. In the binder were all the things she needed, her passport,birth certificate, social security number, ID card. As for the other three documents – the red, green and yellow papers- Seras took them out of her white folder. She had signed them yesterday before falling asleep. She stuffed all of the documents into her white folder before Mr. Haggis picked it up. To her surprise, Alucard gave his white folder to Mr. Haggis as well.

"Alright, class. Now we shall watch a fun and exciting videorello." Mr. Haggis walked over to his desk, picked up and tape and shoved it in the VCR. He turned it on and then went back to his desk. "It's called _Red Asphalt_ – we shall be talking about drunk driving for the next few days."**(1)**

After five minutes of the video, Seras was already starting to scrunch her eyes shut once in a while. Decapitated heads, guts flying everywhere, a brain just lying on the pavement, a severed body part – it made Seras want to throw up her dinner. She looked to her left. Obviously, Alucard was thoroughly enjoying himself. He was grinning as if the edges of his mouth could fall off his face.

_How could he even watch this video?! It's so disgusting! _Seras glared at Alucard.

_You better get used to seeing the blood, Police Girl. Now that you're a vampire._

_Oh shut up! Get out of my HEAD!! And stop reminding me at every chance you get!! _Alucard's laugh echoed in Seras' head.Suddenly, Seras felt a wave of change come over her master. She looked back up at him. A malicious grin was slowly marring his features. Seras shuddered slightly.

_This isn't good . . .That look is never good . . ._

Click.

_What was that!?_ Seras started to panic, but so sooner had she heard the noise, she was overcome with a coughing fit. The room was filling with some kind of gas – and fast. Seras heard a maelstrom of noises: students running in all directions, instructors yelling at the students, and her master –

"Master?" Seras called out. Abruptly, her cell phone started ringing. Quickly opening it, Seras hear a panicked voice tell her "Sergeant Victoria!! Emergency! Code 007-667!** (2)** The Tower Bridge!!" After the person hastily hung up, Seras started running out of the building as fast as she could. Too bad she forgot what the code stood for. The last words Seras heard as she was running away from her driving school were: "School has been cancelled . . .will resume tomorrow . . .–

-Ch.5-

Finally arriving at the Tower Bridge, Seras allowed herself to take a quick breather. No sooner has she taken her second breath, she felt three sharp metallic objects sink themselves into her right arm. Just by the feel of them, Seras could already tell that they were made of silver and that she would be more than sore the next morning.

Without even looking at them, Seras pulled out all three knives. The excruciating pain in her right arm was indescribable, but when Seras looked at the knives – words failed her. Seras screamed. In her hands she held the knives that belonged to Alexander Anderson. The same knives that had penetrated her throat when she was but a newly made fledgling and the same knives that had almost killed her in the tube had it not been for her master's aiming skills.

The sound of metal clashing on metal brought Seras back to reality and away from the painful memories. Seras looked up to the top of the bridge and she could barely make out two figures fighting at the top of the tower.

-Ch.5-

"It's aboot time vampair! Iye've been waiting for too long!"

"Interesting, I would have thought that with the outcome of our last battle—"

"Shut up, vampair! This time Iye will send ye to eterrnal damnation where ye belong!" Anderson threw an array of knives, at the same time Alucard fired off his gun. A smirk graced Alucard's features as he hit his target dead on – Anderson's right arm came flying down.

"You fowl monster!!" Alucard grinned while at the same time, pulled out all the knives that had etched themselves in his body.

"Oh, and what does that make you, _Regenerator_? Does that really make you any better than a vampire?" A flash of anger passed Alucard's eyes. Anderson scowled before his holy papers shuffled out from somewhere under his coat and flew towards Alucard. The stream of papers caught both of Alucard's wrists and kept them tied to the tower. At the same time, Alucard heard his fledgling's scream.

_She's here!? Already!?_

Alucard let go of his gun and watched it fall.

-Ch.5-

Seras screamed. Sure, she's fought the undead before, but not an undead _arm_ which refused to die even though it had been severed from it's main body. Seras frantically looked around for something to kill it with.

_Let's see – no panicking! What do I have!? There's a cat, 50 pence, a light pole!? I suppose the light pole is the only useful thing!!_ Seras quickly started running towards the light pole when unexpectedly she caught a descending object from the corner of her eye.

_Master's gun!? _Seras' eyes widened._ It has silver bullets!!_ Abandoning her idea of using the pole as a weapon, Seras started to run towards the shiny silver gun. Even with her strength, Seras barely caught it. Gravity had a firm grip on the gun and had Seras been human, the mere impact of her hands and the gun would have caused the hands to be severed from her body.

As soon as Seras had the gun, she gripped it with both hands and aimed it at the fast approaching arm. Shooting rapidly, Seras hoped with every shot that it would kill the arm. After a few rounds, the arm was finally hit. In an explosion, the arm vaporized and left nothing behind but a blood residue.

-Ch.5-

"Weil, it looks as ef your fledgling takes after ye!" Anderson sneered as Alucard smirked.

"You sound almost sad, Vatican whipping boy!!"

"Shut yer hole!" Anderson yelled as the holy papers got a tighter grip on Alucard's arms.

"Ooooh, are you going to give me a papercut?" Alucard smirked. The holy papers started to shuffle around Alucard. Within a few seconds the papers shredded Alucard into tiny little pieces. Anderson started to laugh insanely.

"Weil, who's makin' the jokes noow, vampair?!" Anderson was but short by an collection of bullets which succeeded in breaking all the knives he held in his left arm.

"What the --, Oh, so it's the little fledgling is it?" Anderson grinned down at Seras.

"Bloody monster!!" Seras yelled back as she continued to pull the trigger. A flutter of a cloak and Anderson was gone.

"What the—" Seras gasped. "Where did he—" Seras screamed as she felt someone grab her from behind.

"Ain't so tough, noow are ye?" Anderson sneered down at Seras. His left arm was around Seras' front, in such a position that it made her right arm point straight up, effectively keeping Seras from shooting Anderson in the face.

Many scenarios started running through Seras' head. She was caught, her master was in shreds and no Hellsing member would be around for a while. She started thinking of everything she could do.

_I can't use my gun as it is, that pole is too far away – maybe that cat will bite him?! What about 50 pence? Maybe I can bribe him from letting me go?? NO! All of these ideas are stupid – what do I do?!_ Unfortunately, the plan that Seras decided to use was neither brilliant nor gracious. Seras sunk her teeth into Anderson's arm.

"AHAHAH OWWWW!!!" Anderson's insane laugh was cut off by the immense pain that passed through his arm. Upon instinct, he let go of Seras. As soon as he did Seras ran a few meters away from him before turning back and started shooting at him. At the same time, Anderson grabbed two hand-fulls of his favorite weapon as he threw them all at Seras.

"Enjoy, yer trip to hell, vampair!!!"

-Ch.5-

**Footnotes:**

**(1)** Anyone ever heard of this video? And yes, it is a REAL video. I had to watch it in my class – it's pretty gory.

**(2)** Yup! This is an actual code that they used in the Anime!!!! :)

-Ch.5-

**Endnotes:** YAY!! Another chapter finished!! I feel accomplished!!! :)

-Ch.5-

**Seras:** We're out of whipped cream.

**Alucard:** Ooh, are you suggesting something, Police Girl?

**Seras:** MASTER!!!

**Halconnen Fairy:** We're out of hugs and love, too . . .

**Integra:** What's love got to do with it?

**Seras:** What's all this got to do with whipped cream!!

**Alucard:** Let's buy strawberries, we can have fun on a rainy day . . .

**Integra:** ALUCARD!!!! Go to your coffin!!

**Alucard:** Ooh, I've never heard you say it like that! Say something else . .

**Integra: **-breaks cigar in half with her teeth- Alucard you bastard!!

**Anderson:** Iye am fasting . . .

**Seras:** -screams and throws a rotten apple at Anderson-

**Integra: ** Alucard you imbecile! What's HE still doing here!?

**Jan: **Hey bro, why do you have a dog on your head?

**Luke:** I'll tell you if you tell me why you're burning.

**Jan:** I asked you first!

**Integra:** You two!? You're supposed to be dead!!

**Jan:** Oh, it's the bitch with the cigar. I'm bored – wanna fuck?

**Integra:** VAMPIRES!!! That's all you think about!!

**Seras:** Hey, now wait a minute . . .

**Walter:** Thank you for the reviews!!!


	6. From One Danger to Another

**Author's Note:** waves I'm alive, just so you know! WOW! Thank you for all the reviews! I never realized that I haven't updated in what seems like FOREVER! Sorry about that! What can I say? School is an energy eating monster that can never shut down. I also have SIX mangas! Isn't that grand!

**Special Notes: Sponge: **You are right about the freak chip thing, the manga is FAR more detailed and longer than the anime and the manga is about the Nazis, too. I used the South America excuse because that is where Walter was in the Anime when Integra was almost killed by her uncle. :) AND GO BRITISH SPELLING! I shall annoy you all with the word - COLOUR!

**Special Notes: RenegadePinneapple:** The random notes are there so that people won't ask too many questions or critisize me where it is not needed (i.e. how not grammatical Mr. Haggis' speeches are!).

**Disclaimer: **I made some music videos, but I still don't own Hellsing.

* * *

**  
Recap: **

Many scenarios started running through Seras' head. She was caught, her master was in shreds and no Hellsing member would be around for a while. She started thinking of everything she could do.

_I can't use my gun as it is, that pole is too far away – maybe that cat will bite him! What about 50 pence? Maybe I can bribe him from letting me go? NO! All of these ideas are stupid – what do I do!_

Unfortunately, the plan that Seras decided to use was neither brilliant nor gracious. Seras sunk her teeth into Anderson's arm.

"AHAHAH OWWWW!" Anderson's insane laugh was cut off by the immense pain that passed through his arm. Upon instinct, he let go of Seras. As soon as he did, Seras ran a few meters away from him before turning back to try her luck at shooting him. At the same time, Anderson grabbed two hand-fulls of his favorite weapon as he threw them all at Seras.

"Enjoy, yer trip to hell, vampair!"

* * *

Chapter 6: From One Danger to Another

Seras screamed and continued to shoot her gun even though it was almost running out of bullets. She managed to break some of the knives before they had hit her. She stopped screaming when she felt something on her leg. It was very warm and . . . squishy! Seras slowly looked down . . . and screamed.

"MASTER! That's _disgusting_!" She yelled down at her master. The eyes of the bloody glop rose out of it and blocked the rest of the knives from hitting Seras. What was worse, the bloody goop was laughing Alucard's insane laugh. That's a bit like imagining your hundred-eyed pudding laughing at you for no apparent reason.

Seras backed away a good two meters and dropped the gun in the glop. Immediately, the glop materialized into Alucard, who was still laughing.

"That was _fun_. Liquids are most amusing," Alucard commented as he grinned wider and reloaded his gun.

"Yier _disgusting_," Anderson scowled.

"Oh, yes I've been told that quite a few times," Alucard grinned. With his gun fully loaded, he aimed at Anderson and fired. Before Alucard got the chance to finish off Anderson, Anderson's holy papers started to consume him again.

"Not again!" Alucard groaned. "Are you running away again! Come back, I get bored," Alucard yelled as he continued to fire at Anderson. Anderson laughed.

"Don't ye worry, vampair. I'm not done wit ye. Iye shall be back soon, enuff!" With a flutter of paper, Anderson vanished into another dimension.

"Yes, and when you come back, I, the Great Alucard, shall defeat you!" and with those grand words said, Alucard continued to laugh insanely. Seras, being the smart girl she was, started backing away from her master before she got in one of the Hellsing cars (which FINALLY arrived) and headed for home.

* * *

"That is one day, I would _not_ like to repeat in a hundred years!" Seras exclaimed as she staggered home. Besides being strangled with a madman who barely spoke English and had a certain fetish with sharp knifes, being touched by a disgusting glop was even worse. 

Seras mindlessly found her room through the maze which was Hellsing manor, before entering her room, dropping her things on the floor and nonchalantly throwing herself on the bed. Although it was on Seras' mind to eventually take a shower before sleeping, she soon found herself in a deep slumber.

* * *

Poke 

"mmm . . ." roll

Poke

"mmhmm" rol

POKE

Seras growled. She was just taking a little nap before showering and someone had DARED to wake her up. She grudgingly opened one eye to see . . . an other eye staring back at her.

"AHHH!" Seras screamed as she backed into a corner of her bed. The little eye connected to a bloody goop started laughing.

"MASTER HOW COULD YOU!"It laughed a little more before materializing.

"Police girl you have exactly ten minutes to get ready for class," with that said, the insane vampire vanished into the wall.

* * *

Seras glared at Alucard; he didn't seem notice her. She turned away, just a little, to give him the impression that she wasn't looking at him. Then she quickly turned back to look at him. This scenario repeated during the whole ride since Seras was sure that her master would do something horrible to her. 

_Is he TRYING to mess with my mind?_ Seras thought angrily as she turned away again. Alucard took this opportunity to sneak a grin.

* * *

Drumming her fingers on the desk, Seras sat waiting for class to end. Today was the day. The day that she would get her permit. After class she knew that she and a partner would have a two hour driving class with an instructor. She couldn't wait. She looked down at the permit she was given at the beginning of class. To distract herself, Seras started to look around the room. 

Mr. Haggis was droning on and on. Some kid was half asleep while his friend next to him was snoring away. Some girls in the back were having a riveting conversation about who they think will couple up in Hollywood. Another guy was etching his name into the desk with an army knife. Seras scooted a little away from him. She ended scooting up to her master and looked at him. Seras would've slapped her forehead if it wouldn't have been noticeable.

_I CAN'T believe that bastard is asleep! So THAT'S why he wears those dark glasses!_ Seras started to look at the clock. Maybe if she looked at it harder then class would end.

* * *

Seras practically bounced out of the room. She ran over to where she knew the instructors would be waiting – the parking lot. Once the lot was in view, Seras saw that some of the other students were already there, already chatting away with their instructors. Seras went up to one that wasn't preoccupied with a student. 

"Excuse me, sir, but what do I do?" she asked him politely.

"Well, Miss, do you have a permit?"

"Yes, here it is," Seras stated as she handed him the permit. He started to look it over.

"Looks in grand shape. Lass, you can drive with me." Seras could have squealed in excitement.

"However, you need to have a partner; not a problem, anyone will do," He stated as he started looking around the crowd.

"You there, sir! Come over here will you please?" He yelled as he pointed someone out. Seras didn't bother to look who it was; she didn't care. Today was her first lesson driving out onto the road. Once the other person came close, Seras finally looked at said person. He smile fell while the person sported a fangy grin.

_I'm glad I prayed in the morning . . . _

* * *

Yeah, I know the chapter was short - but I did it! I finished it! The driving starts in the next chapter! Hopefully people haven't  
forgotten about me . . . :(

* * *

NO FOOTNOTES:)

* * *

Halconnen Fairy: Fluttering by on a clear blue day . . .

**Luke:** Oh shit, is he trying to be poetic?

**Jan:** Here's a poem:

Vampires' blood is red

The fire around me is blue

I'm really bored now -

So Integra, you wanna screw?

**Integra: (**bristles) NOT with the likes of YOU! And WHY are you still HERE?

**Alucard:** What about me?

**Integra:** (smacks her forehead) I don't like where this conversation is going . . .

**Seras: **I have pie! Who wants some?

**Integra: **I do. Anywhere to get away from these morons.

**Walter:** Thank you for the reivew and for sticking by!


End file.
